the aftermath of shredding - day 1

i decided that i would finally get started on removing this pooch that seems to have permanently resided over my stomach.  in august it will be two years since i found out i was pregnant.  i’m tired of squishing my chubs into jeans and wearing loose fitting tops to camouflage the rolls.  i’m tired of not feeling confident in clothes.  i’m tired of  leggings (my go-to outfit for comfort).  i can say that i fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  does it look good?  that’s another story. 

after baby boy was born i told myself i’d give it enough time for recovery and get back on the treadmill and get the rest of the baby weight off.  and i did start running again for about 2 weeks or so but life got in the way and running for an hour because too much of a time suckage for other things i had to do during the day.

and when i went back to work, that workout time was non-existent.  i suppose carrying baby boy as much as i do and running after him helped me lose a little more weight, but i’m not where i want to be at all.  but working out is time away from my baby and my everyday normal life and i don’t think i have an hour to spare at this point.

i was pinning one afternoon (pinterest is my cure for boredom) and i happened upon a before and after picture of a woman - day 1 and day 30 of the shred.  and her day 1 tummy looked so much like mine…and her day 30 tummy was something i used to look like.  i googled 30 day shred and read all 2000 raving reviews on amazon.

this dvd claims you only need to set aside 20 mintues (i think 30 in total with warm up and cool down).  i can do 20 minutes!  i won’t feel guilty with 20 mintues.  i ordered on amazon and it finally came in yesterday.  i waited for hubs to come home to hand off baby and said, “i’ll be done in 20 minutes.”

it really did fly by quickly.  you aren’t supposed to stop once you start but i had to in the beginning for 5 minutes to help with the baby.  but then i went through the rest of the dvd without stopping.  level 1 was a challenge, but the reviews make it seem worse than bootcamp.  i definitely felt the burn and worked up a sweat.  i’m a little sore from it the next day, but i’m not so uncomfortable it hurts to move.  mind you, it’s been a year since i’ve actually worked out, so i thought my body would be shocked from all the physical activity. i’m sure it’ll hurt more today after my workout since i’m feeling sore from yesterday.

i’m going to try my hardest to stick to the schedule and do it for 30 days.  i’m curious to see the results and even took before pictures and measurements for my own personal amusement.

I’m a baby product hoarder

I must justify my maclaren purchase with a trip. We already have a beautiful fully functioning all terrain stroller that could probably scale everest. But i had a 20% off coupon that was burning in my pocket and a request from the babysitter to bring a stroller when i drop him off to be watched. Knowing the beast would be to cumbersome and difficult for him to manage, i figured a lightweight stroller would be much more manageable.

When i was pregnant i promised myself that i wouldnt buy unnecessary things that would just add clutter to the house. I should have known better. It started with the baby carriers (moby, serena & lily, lillebaby, ergo) and then the diaper bags…i am constantly searching for the all-encompassing magical unicorn. Lightweight stroller but lots of storage and all terrain. A bag with lots of storage but not bulky. I end up buying several things because one product never has all the requirements i want. I am always wary of being unprepared for something, so i buy many things to make sure i have what i need just in case. I really need to work on that.

So for now i will sit in guilt with my purchase until its value becomes apparent with constant use.

selfish or lazy?

a friend wanted to visit today. i was still in my pajamas, hanging out with baby boy and reading the sunday paper.  i cringed internally when she asked, because i was enjoying alone time with jae before work tomorrow plus the fact that i really didn’t want to make myself presentable for company.

i’m slowly becoming a hermit — this house, which was once my prison has become my refuge.

first day back

blah blah blah, work sucks. my manager was so kind to let me out early and now i’m sitting in front of him waiting for him to wake up so i can shower him with hugs and kisses.  my resolve is slowly wearing, and i’m about to wake him up myself.

i’m bursting at the seams, baby.  i need hugs.

last day of maternity leave.

my heart is breaking into a million little pieces with every passing minute.

i always said i would be a working mother, but it’s so easy to talk the talk when you don’t know any different. all i’ve known my whole adult life is working.  but now that i’ve spent these last four months with jae, i don’t know how i’m going to make it through tomorrow, and the next day. and the rest of the year for that matter.

i feel guilty that someone else is going to be raising him.  my mom stayed home and raised me, and if she hadn’t i would probably be a different person.  what kind of person will jae be because i am not there for him all the time?  am i just overreacting?  i feel like i’ve already let him down.

i got to see his first smile and hear his first laugh.  how many firsts will i miss because i’m not there?  i don’t think i’m strong enough to do this.  i miss him already.

four month stats

16 lbs. 27.5 inches. 2 vaccination shots.

baby boy has been cranky ever since the shots.  i’m hoping he sleeps it off and bounces back by tomorrow. 

the doctor was surprised with how tall he was.  he had to double check the measurement because he didn’t believe it.  he says his height growth will plateau and he won’t grow by next month’s appointment.  i hope jae proves him wrong.

he’s doing the happy baby pose all the time now (where he grabs his feet with his hands while laying on his back).  i think it’s the cutest thing a baby can do.  when jae starts putting his feet in his mouth, i think i will lose it.

after 4 months of maternity leave, i’m finally heading back to work this thursday. ANXIETY.  i’ve spent almost every day of his life with him, and now someone else is going to be spending more time with him than me. GUILT.  where does the time go?